Sometimes even plain sailing isn't plain sailing:
12th There has been a little swell on the sea to day, & I have been very uncomfortable: this has tried & quite overcome the small stock of patience that the early parts of the voyage left me. — Here I have spent three days in painful indolence, whilst animals are staring me in the face, without labels & scientific epitaphs. — This has been the first day that the heat has annoyed us.
So even Charles Darwin had his down days........ said my mum on Skype on sunday when I was feeling a bit low..... I had flown all the way to Quito to go on a tour with a friend which was cancelled at the last minute because the son of the couple who live in Canada was too ill to come. It was one of those things but what happens when the going gets a bit emotionally tough............and to tell you the truth its been a bit tough........
WELL, I hear you say......its hardly tough Janine......
On paper, I am not working, I have given myself the gift of have three months to travel a country I love and learn spanish, experience Latin American culture and the vida loca! I have three months to concentrate on myself and my own needs..........On paper this is a DREAM.......and it is BUT when you are suddenly faced with a blank page, alone in the middle of South America, in a place where you dont know the language very well and is not that easy to travel as a single woman..........a place where hijackings happen, prostitutes approach male friends of mine, the town rapist hovers around in the corner of the nightclub looking at you, drug raids are frequent............. [mum I hope you are not reading this]...................then decisions have to be taken with consideration.......................
I am not used to this although I did once live near the murder mile in Dalston......
So why am I here and why have I had the urge to go back to basics and put myself in a massive situation of need and helplessness....
Well firstly it has taken a month to even get to the place where I can feel creative enough to even write something. Even Darwin said he missed out on animals for three days and his small stock of patience had left him.........I am mostly a very calm happy peaceful person but all plans, ideas have either gone astray, changed at the last minute or revealed themselves as little devils in disguise.........and tried my patience twofold!
HOWEVER, I have had massive expectations of myself.......
So now, after one month, I am realising that I have to take smaller steps and not expect so much so I have decided to write a few learnings from the last month that will come in handy for any new adventurer [including Darwin although it may have come a bit late for him and nowadays thank god you can get seasick tablets.....]
Step 1. Basic needs come first. HOME. Find your level of comfort, food, a good clean place to sleep, open lines of communication with the people you love and find the people here who are there for you...... WHATEVER.......this part is dedicated to my Ecuador chums.................you know who you are. THANK YOU.
Step 2. Work on plans that will happen next.......have dreams and ideas and try to stick to them but dont beat yourself up if they dont work.......
Step 3. Step up, head up high and get out there..........a friend once taught me how to walk with purpose as I was a frightened mouse when I moved to London to go to uni all those years ago. JULIETTE BEVIS...I have you to thank for this skill. Even if you have no idea where you are going, ALWAYS look like you have.
Step 4. Trust that people will help. If they dont its either their problem which is another story..... OR their lives are so busy that they dont have time for themselves let alone others. Dont blame them, maybe you need to be helping them instead....
Step 5. Laugh at yourself. Laugh Laugh LAUGH and laugh some more. Smile and SMILE more. It always endears people to you.....
A few more things....everything is relative so try and step outside of the situation you are in and see the bigger picture even if its tough to do this.
Always have hope that things are happening for the best
Expect the unexpected but dont have expectations. A friend once said this to me. Its one of those sentences that you have to feel rather than be cerebral about but I LOVE it.......
Ask for your needs to be fulfilled [both out loud when you are alone [haha] AND to people around you] and KEEP ASKING.......never stop.
Stick to the basics and trust the bigger stuff will follow when the time is right.........
So with in mind I have to bear in mind that I have moved to a new country and given up everything I know...........surely that is brave enough for me............ for now.
So what next..............well right now I am off back to my flat on a road called La Nina which feels like home because my nickname is Neen...... [remember...small things]. It's in the heart of the Mariscal and the views of the city are amazing. I have the place to myself and everything is within walking distance......a little cafe down the road attached to a beautiful handicraft museum [where I would love to work], theres a supermarket underneath for all my grocery needs, an internet cafe to keep in touch with mates and a warm and comfy bed.
Its home from home for now...........................
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